I have these pair of jeans.....they don't fit, they're not even close to fitting, yet I hold on to them. I hold on to them cause one day I hope to be able to wear them.
The reality is - they are out dated, they have a button down fly for crying out loud!
They aren't fashionable, they aren't my style anymore, but yet I hold on to them.
I hold on to them because they remind me of a past me, a me that I'm not quite willing to let go of.
The jeans no longer flatter me, make me feel good, or are good to me, yet I keep them around. I keep them around with the hopes that one day they will fit, they will come back in style, and they will be perfect for me again........
But slowly I'm realizing this homecoming may not be in the cards for jeans.
I used to think I was a very nostalgic person. I tend to hold on to good memories, good experiences, and if Ive had something for a long time, I can overlook the negative if the good memories can stay vivid.
But, slowly I'm realizing, I'm not as nostalgic as I think. As I grow up and change, I'm realizing that what once fit, was once comfortable is no longer.
Suddenly those old jeans are being traded in for a new style. A style that is comfortable to me, that makes me feel like a million dollars, makes me smile, makes me feel better than I did before I put them on.
Suddenly those old jeans become harsh....they are too tight, they don't compliment me, they make me feel bad about myself....and suddenly I'm wondering, why do I keep these jeans around? Just toss them!
But then the jeans are saved, cause I come across an old picture - its me in those jeans, smiling, laughing, loving, having a great time. Life is good in these jeans, and those old memories and feelings come washing in. All is OK with the jeans for the moment.
But as soon as they come in, the reality sets in. Those jeans are no longer my favorites, they don't quite fit - and something has changed.
Its then that I realize that I have changed. I am different. I am no longer that same girl in those pictures....in fact I'm better than her! I'm happier, more confident, stronger, more reliable, respectable, I am proud.
Its then that I realize that these jeans do not make me a better person - in fact they try to bring me down. They try to bring me back to a life that I no longer want. I'm enjoying this life.....
I don't need these jeans to feel good about me. They don't have to fit for me to be OK with me.
So its then, its now, that I realize that I have to let go of those jeans.....I have to let go of the jeans, the hopes of what they might be, the hopes of what could be, the memories of the past......and I have to live in today - and with today's jeans.....
So as a once nostalgic person I am learning to live in the moment. I'm learning to laugh harder, love stronger, smile wider, and live fuller. I'm happy with the choices I make and trust those involved.
I'm ready to let go of the old jeans. I may revisit them once and awhile, try them on for old time sake....but it is now time to let go of these jeans and move on.
