Fear of....Success???

As I continue this journey I cant help but to think - am I really afraid of failure as I have lead myself to believe for so many years.... or is it more fear of success?

When we were young we were taught to be modest. Don’t brag, don’t show off.... we were encouraged to minimize our successes and show humbleness and modesty.

The reasoning behind this was not malicious - it was a great thought in theory - but maybe, just maybe as kids we took it too far.Maybe we realized that if we were struggling or not doing well we got extra attention, extra excuses. The girl with the straight A's was a show off - and we were real - and we were ok. There was something wrong with her - not us.... so we encouraged ourselves to cut back a bit - and a bit more - and slowly somehow we started to fear success.

In life when we succeed when good things happen a few reactions can happen.

People can be happy for us - genuinely - and encourage us. They tell us we deserve this and they celebrate with us. I like those kinds of people!

Or sometimes people tend to point out the negatives for us. It may be their own insecurities stepping in - but they want to put us down, want to stomp out our accomplishment. They seethe with jealousy and hate that we are successful.

There are also those that point out the negative - because they are looking out for us - they just want to caution us. These crack me up. These do-gooders are always just trying to help.

Then there are also those that fake the happiness for us - and you can plainly see by their faces - they just aren’t good liars - or they aren’t hiding it well. Whatever it may be - you know they are not happy for you - and you know that it’s not real. But these "thanks for coming out" or "good efforts" may really be trying - they just missed the mark.

I’m sure there are others that fall into another category - but these tend to be the reactions I get - and I chose to have.

Part of me fears success for others and for myself - because what if we lose it? What if you lose that dream job? What if you realize you made a mistake?

What if...what if...

What if it’s awesome? What if it's everything we hoped for and more? What if it just is what it is?????What if we stopped encouraging each other to fail and truly celebrated each other’s successes! What would happen then?

What if we found a happy medium? What if I would start believing that I deserve success and stop sabotaging my efforts?There are so many possibilities with those ifs.... so why not?

Why not believe we are worth it? Why not work hard at it - celebrate our successes and stop apologizing or making excuses!

Ditch the naysayers, the do-gooders, and the not truly excited - they will come around - but why waste time with them when we can just celebrate ourselves.

So, as I continue this journey - I’m going to ditch the biggest naysayer in my life - myself.

I’m choosing to shut up that voice in my head, shut up those doubts. Shut up the negative, the never good enough, the you don’t deserve this - and I will simply tell her...I DO deserve this - and I’m going to enjoy this!

I’m hoping that she will get the point, put on a party hat, hang a congrats banner, and enjoy the moment with me...

Enjoy your moments - they are yours, you worked hard for them, and you deserve them - every single second. Enjoy!